Happy New Year 2018!
Goodbye Mahira! Welcome Vajra!


I’ve written this post in early December since I’m in the mood. Even though it’s still far from new year, I don’t feel there will be something grand in early 2018. Probably some students will flocking in and works piling up like crazy that secretary’s gone. Monotone life and usual anxiety, some usual drama and politics that my hometown will have new government body. Everything’s according to keikaku* – the rest of them, I don’t know – I hope my workplace doesn’t suddenly close when I’m still there. I don’t recall that many events happening this year, so – well, first let’s see what I’ve written last January. Looks like my life is summed up in the comments.

*note: keikaku means plan.

  • Repair relationship with God. Oh my Lord Lucifer, hahahaha. The candle light that is faith has long dead. Not because I deny existence of He who oversees everything, it is because I simply don’t care anymore. Eternal torture doesn’t sound so bad since living on earth is pretty much like hell already. Don’t worry, though, I still believe there is a god. Probably.
  • Continue making Tree of Savior Comic once per week. I was no longer able to log in to the game after big patch, not to mention I’ve quit MMORPG altogether after my drama with my former partner.
  • Finish the Death Corps comic. Did I mention I’ve had a drama with my former partner? I despise everything related to her now, including MMO, drawing, roleplay, and my original characters. I didn’t realize it’d made a traumatic blow until later. Now I had to struggle to patch myself up.
  • Continuing QUE? comic once per week. My ex-boss messaged a good luck in one of the post. I immediately ditch this project, delete his comment, and block him. Gotta be in-character, the grudge has to live on.
  • Starting Webtoon about something. This one, I swear, is the worst wish I’d ever written. I’d prefer starting some but not to gain any attention.
  • Have a job. Thank Bahamut I got a job this year. It’s not free from conflicts and drama, but I like it because 1) money, 2) have a private office, 3) no shitty boss, 4) I don’t give shit about bonding with people, 5) smaller depression. I no longer care about my future as long as I got all these things.
  • Watching Star Wars Episode VIII. We don’t talk about Star Wars: The Last Jedi. It’s abomination and a disgrace to original LucasArt Film. 5/10.
  • Becoming pun master and the lord of shitposting. I’m surpassed by “Rajin Pangkal Pun-dai”s admin.

As you can see, my 2017 is bland but still shitty af. Depression came punching right after that incident with my roleplaying partner, the one I considered good friend. It lasted a whole year. I feel a bit better now, though. Why should I be the only one who feel miserable when she went on with her happy life and her new nakama after I left. She never cared about me in the first place after all. It’s a good riddance.



my workplace

It was empty white room, strange machines lying still. Two PCs and two monitors, two air conditioners, several chairs. An empty shelf on the side and two other desks – a door led to storage. The room smells like operation room. It reeks of alcohol. It’s also rather cold to keep these machines function without the risk of overheating.

This thing is my new toy. This building is where I had dreamed working since it was first established. Even though our financial problem is still running high, I am proud being one of employees in the biggest nanocenter in this nation. That’s the only pride I can take.

This is where I choose to be.

I was blessed. I am here because my college friend got a job in other company so she had to leave the lab – also there was no one wanting to be an operator, let alone taking a job that gives you uncertain future. I took the job even though my knowledge of it was below zero. I didn’t get any training beforehand – I didn’t even know what kind of “good” is ‘good’. I just spoke my mind and commented anything about clients’ samples without having to be afraid what I spoke was wrong – it is indeed fun.

I quickly enjoy it. I will always be alone until my client comes. I can do anything I want if I’m not working for a client. I don’t have shitty boss. I know what I work on and I know what the result is. I have my own office where I can be alone and sleep on the table like a hobo (partly because the lab should be free from everything so I have nowhere to stay. They gave me a room). I put some novels on the rack there. In the morning while I’m waiting for clients, I can play games and draw to my heart content. Sometimes, the clients don’t have brains, but I can still manage – unlike back then in that company.

Profs came to me asking why I’m not getting my doctoral degree. I understand – I am really tempted to do it. But I need a stable job and money more than anything else now, and I don’t want to see my own (bleak) future, not until I’m fully recovered from the depression I got last year working for shitty boss. Until I feel that I’m worthy to go back studying, I’ll just become a trash operator in this beautiful building, and be helpful to everyone who accepts me.

Happy New Year 2017!
Let this year comes with many good blessings, new wishes, and hope! Pray it will be better than 2016 – we have all known there are rocky path in the following months so let us prepare well and survive together!

It felt the 2017 New Year celebration wasn’t as grand as 2016’s, perhaps because what had happened one year before. 2016 sucks; and we all know it. Starting from January to December, it seemed that there wasn’t any single happiness in it (although I believe there is, but didn’t give any viral impact since people prefer bringing up bad news rather than good one). As for me – you might have known that I also experienced the worst year in my life. Starting from working for passive aggressive narcissistic boss for half a year and spent all day either cursing, crying, or thinking about suicide… to half a year full of procrastination and depression being an unemployment which couldn’t stand seeking for a new job in fear of having to work under a boss with same characteristics. I honestly didn’t even remember if there was something good happening in previous year. It was all a mess – plus about the discrimination and religion drama happened in quarter end of 2016.

Let me throw back what I had written in 1 Jan 2016.
So… I was talking about going to hell for money and I have to laugh ironically that it was what exactly happened to me in the following days. The tone in my previous post last year was really apathetic and sounded like a bitch – the old me didn’t know that 2016 was much more worse than 2015. Perhaps 2017 won’t be any better, but let’s just see what God has in mind. Below was the list I made last year. Sadly there wasn’t any single wish granted to me.


Warning: profanities turned on. I can’t stand being calm or pretending there’s nothing happened anymore. I need a place to write rants since it’s not only pissing me off, this has been gone on three days straight and I think I’m going crazy. Nobody in this country understands how it feels since they’re the ones who pressurizing me to do this thing called marriage.

For short background story, have you been an almost 30-years old who never experience dating, doesn’t want to date or have sex, being in strict old Chinese/Asian culture who worships parents and marriage – e.g. having spouse and giving birth are children duty while in the same time they condemn young generation being the worst human being on earth? That’s me. And you know what, I’m tired of this.

Read on your own risk.


Okay, I think I have to write something about what has happened to me so far since January. This shit started when I approved my (former?) boss working in a baby company owned by Indonesian most successful start-up travel group. They register their company name in Singapore for the sake of paying lesser taxes where in fact the activities were all performed in Indonesia. It was a baby back then and none of my business (who am I to talk) – so I just pretended I didn’t see the mess in their internal or external affairs. But this time it has been going out of hand.

I joked in my facebook account about this, but because English erased all the puns I wrote, let’s just write ’em in serious manner. I fucked up all the company names mentioned below and color them red for obvious reason:


No one understands what I feel.
Not even myself.

Who is my friend?
The one you once adore?

Many times I question about myself.
Why am I born in the world
if people don’t want me to be here.
Isn’t it better to be no more?

But no, I can’t die yet.
My future cat needs to be fed.
If not me, who will?

So Here I am.

– Bandung, 24 September 2016

Ocean Adventure Day 2-4! Two days full of snorkeling, diving, playing fireworks, grilled fish, and rocking boat ride! August Karimun Jawa had really extreme wind speed and slightly wild ocean waves. It’s always been like this, locals said, if you want to enjoy slightly “normal” waves, you can go in March or May (but watch out for random tropical storms… we really got one hell of unpredictable weather forecast here). The locals joked that if there was no wind, our flag wouldn’t be able to stand waving beautifully. Kinda true, though.

Independence Day in Karimunjawa

After preparing everything, especially wearing sunscreen and swimsuit/shirt, we departed from our hotel in Menjangan Kecil for snorkeling at roughly 9AM in the morning. This snorkeling session was hosted by two locals, led by Captain Jack Sparrow!

Bang Jack! >:O

Bang Jack! >:O

He was like true Captain Jack Sparrow, huh? Even Mr. Jerry didn’t know his real name since everyone just called him “Bang Jack” (“Abang” Jack, which means “Bro” Jack… and due to his similarity to our favorite pirate, he became famous in an instant). He was born in Karimun Jawa, being a true seaman since birth, and was said to be descendant of Bugis Tribe – one of Indonesian seaman tribe. The locals were really friendly and knew the sea like their own backyards.

We circled the Karimun Jawa sea to somewhere near Cemara Islands, where there was the best snorkeling spot which was called “Cemara Gosong” Island (literally “Burnt Pine Island”). It was called “Burnt” because it could only be seen during low tide and would be submerged underwater during high tide. Unfortunately it was really in high tide that day, so we traveled back again somewhere around Cemara Island and had first snorkeling session. The waves still were too high for us, two of our tour members immediately lied on the boat deck because of headache. After not-really-successful-session-due-to-weather, we went to Cemara Kecil Island (Little Pine Tree Island) to have charcoal-grilled fish! And extremely yummy! My brother-in-law who didn’t like fish wanted two.

After photo session in super beautiful Cemara Kecil Island (my favorite), we went to another snorkeling spot near our Kampung Bule resort in Menjangan Kecil Island. The waves were small there and we really enjoyed that. Captain Jack showed us how to play with fishes by throwing bread crumbs prepared by him beforehand. And in a second when the bread fell to the water, the fish turned wild and fought over that crumb! Try holding that piece of bread in your hand and these black-and-yellow stripped fish will massage your hand (apparently these smol creatures’ teeth were kinda sharp). I saw Blue Gil there too!

In third day, we went snorkeling again with same schedule like previous day, but I kinda forgot where we went. It was super beautiful island where tourists and backpackers went sunbathing, and there were hundreds of seagulls standing at the beach. When we was about to go there after swimming, someone hushed them and all of the birds flew away >:O! One of our tour member went diving with his instructor, I overheard them saying it cost about 6mils IDR or so (CMIIW). He told us that he saw a giant turtle deep in the sea.

Boss was about to go diving

And for lunch, we spent time in Gileyan Island for another Charcoal-Grilled Fish! Karimun Jawa Island was famous for its “Ikan Kakatua” (Parrotfish), the blue and green fish that was said to clean up corals and the sea. These fish had really soft and tender meat and it was amazingly sweet. After lunch, we went snorkeling again for the fourth time before we went to Wisma Apung near Main Island – “Floating Houses” – for rest because the day after we would need to get on ferry in the morning. Due to circumstances, I couldn’t snorkel with everyone this day so I annoy my sister by throwing her bread crumbs from boat and feed the hungry fish below the boat. Looks like these little hungry creatures knew that boats coming to them meant “delish restaurant for fish”.

Wisma Apung Karimunjawa

Wisma Apung Karimunjawa

For this one, I wouldn’t spoil the experience living in the middle of the sea (lol). But one warning from me, don’t be an ass when you stay here. The fresh and clean water was taken from Main Island because there was no way you could use sea water for bath and drink – so please respect other inhabitants by saving clean water. In Wisma Apung, there was small “Penangkaran Hiu” – Blac-Tip Shark Breeding Zone. You could swim with these cute and friendly sharks there. If you wanted to go to the Main Island, you would need to pay some for Wisma Apung boatman.

In the next day, we went back to Java Island by ferry and oh-god-not-again-night-bus. The ferry ride was really disheartening, though. Although I was glad it was clear day and we could ride it – the waves were really scary. When I sat inside the ferry, I didn’t want to think about anything but to take drugs and had my mind wandering around dreamland for four hours. When I woke up in between, I could see the world shaking like crazy so I just forced myself to go back to sleep. While waiting for the Night Bus, we traveled by taxi sightseeing Jepara, a small and beautiful port town popular for its amazing woodworks. At roughly 6PM we took the bus to Bandung – thank Lord it didn’t have shrieking brakes nor burnt smells even though it still had inhuman speed and Initial-D’s “I want to be the very best, like no one ever was” overtaking every single vehicles on the road.


Jepara, small port town in Central Java

And that was the end of our four days adventure in Karimun Jawa! Thanks to Mr. Jerry as the guide of “Ocean 21 Adventure” tour, all boatmen and fishermen locals and really amazing chefs there. Below Read More are pictures of Jepara!