Happy New Year 2017!
Let this year comes with many good blessings, new wishes, and hope! Pray it will be better than 2016 – we have all known there are rocky path in the following months so let us prepare well and survive together!

It felt the 2017 New Year celebration wasn’t as grand as 2016’s, perhaps because what had happened one year before. 2016 sucks; and we all know it. Starting from January to December, it seemed that there wasn’t any single happiness in it (although I believe there is, but didn’t give any viral impact since people prefer bringing up bad news rather than good one). As for me – you might have known that I also experienced the worst year in my life. Starting from working for passive aggressive narcissistic boss for half a year and spent all day either cursing, crying, or thinking about suicide… to half a year full of procrastination and depression being an unemployment which couldn’t stand seeking for a new job in fear of having to work under a boss with same characteristics. I honestly didn’t even remember if there was something good happening in previous year. It was all a mess – plus about the discrimination and religion drama happened in quarter end of 2016.

Let me throw back what I had written in 1 Jan 2016.
So… I was talking about going to hell for money and I have to laugh ironically that it was what exactly happened to me in the following days. The tone in my previous post last year was really apathetic and sounded like a bitch – the old me didn’t know that 2016 was much more worse than 2015. Perhaps 2017 won’t be any better, but let’s just see what God has in mind. Below was the list I made last year. Sadly there wasn’t any single wish granted to me.

 

  • money > months unemployed. At least I know now money wasn’t something I want to pursue.
  • DSLR Camera or a quadcopter mounted with high-reso camera > this is already absurd
  • fast internet. Since I think I’m OK with the laptop I bought with my own money. > fuck Telkom Speedy. There was a rumor that they deliberately stopped/ slowed down the service, accusing the clients for not paying the bills, so people would choose to upgrade it to fiber-optic internet “Indihome” ISP over old Speedy service. Capitalism.
  • I’m pretty serious about wanting to go to Chernobyl. > this is already absurd by itself
  • I guess my outdated phone can’t install Pokemon-GO. A new smartphone then. I want a Charizard. > sadly this came true when PokeGO came out. My phone was already too outdated to even install it.
  • Intuos got one hell of a price. My old bamboo pen got problem with its cable, I think buying this one is a priority. > until now, I hadn’t bought a new tablet. There was a problem with my old tablet’s cable and I really wished I could buy new one. But this precious device was still running well and Wacom had stopped production on cheaper Bamboo tablet so… yea.
  • Since I’ll be my own, I want to capture my observation on sketches and post them all here. A coffee shop interior, staying at a bridge sketching some ojek drivers sitting under the bridge… It won’t be that bad, right? This “Junkyard” will turn into something more useful than a place to throw away my senseless rants. > chronic depression killed this instantly in the first week of working in that nasty company. I couldn’t even get up from bed without feeling miserable, it wasn’t as easy as it sound.
  • May be some photographs and pictures too. I don’t have any camera other than my old little Nokia N8, but I can still capture something good. > I don’t know about this one… staying at home is what I do. There’s no good pic to share anyway, but I’m glad this wordpress blog got a bit of traffic due to that post about how to contact railway customer service when you lose your ticket receipt! There’s no comment on it though, so I don’t know about their result.

Now move onward to 2017!
I’ve been better since “unemployment rehabilitation”. It took seriously long time for me to forget about all the ill treatments from former boss and moved to something I like to do. This new year’s pastor also gave a speech about “INSHA ALLAH” which was perfect for starting a year. We don’t say that we will do this and that. We have to say, “Insha Allah, we plan on doing this and that.” I borrowed Arabic, and Muslim’s beloved words for “if God is willing“, which I found very romantic and I truly love it. The pastor also wisely told us about his experience about turning down being a doctor and chose to be a mathematician because it was his call – it fitted him and he couldn’t think of being a doctor even though he had qualification in entering the faculty. It gave me a serious thought about my future and career. It was like God is telling me to “listen to Me” – Listen to your heart. Did I had joy and peace? Did I feel stressful or suffer depression instead?

It all feels like “Listen to the Force

  • Repair relationship with God. This is gonna be hard since this year would be religion-war-year because of DKI Jakarta’s governor election this February. There would be more heated posts and hoaxes about religion, race, and the vision of Republic of  Indonesia in the upcoming days. There would be moderates turned hard-liners. There would be people that close to me before started to leave me because I was a double-minority. There would be people who saw me just like trash and pests and all I could do is to pretend not to see and act like proper human being with common sense and etiquette. This drama about religion would trigger judgement from me, however. Now I know that some Christians are also hypocrites, I wouldn’t see them any better than our hard-liner braindead camel brothers.
  • Continue making Tree of Savior Comic once per week. I’ve promised myself I’ll do this until gemscool server is closed since I honestly don’t want to be involved in Steam. It was non-profit, was made solely to keep my FB page gaining visitors and hopefully it would make a good atmosphere between whiny ToS players. ToS is literally full of bugs and sometimes unplayable. The bugs came in greater number every time there is a new major patch going and entire month is wasted to fix the bugs. The only thing that drives me to play this game is because I kind of like it, I like playing solo. I like roleplay this with friend. There is no pressure on me to participate or compete with other players like in Aion.
  • Finish the Death Corps comic. It’s been stalled almost two years already. I’m glad there are people who still read it despite of my two years hiatus and still want me to finish it – I’m truly thankful to you guys and I promise I’ll draw again! Since the main ragnarok roleplay with my RP partner is leading to an end and without any plot preparation whatsoever anymore, I guess I won’t be worried about my original characters’ fate.
  • Continuing QUE? comic once per week. It’s sad because I collect enough dank memes but don’t do anything about it until now. Mathematics and Physics puns are best puns which level transcend heaven.
  • Starting Webtoon about something. This one, I swear, is unplanned and I honestly don’t know if I should – or has time – to do this. Everything I list above doesn’t give me money but cost electricity, internet, and time. Perhaps I’ll use Frozen Memories remake story, may be The Bearer, or even Massima Fiducia. I don’t know.
  • Have a job. Not that I’m lazy. It’s already said by the pastor that there was that thing in your heart that would give you sensation of doubt on whatever you do that isn’t for you. I’ve talked to profs about this and by coincidence there are two people resigning from being SEM/TEM operators. My career is truly pessimistic on financial side. I wouldn’t get any permanent career if ITB still stalled the regulation about hiring professionals and independent researchers. But it is what I want. It looks fun. I can finally toy around with billion-worth device. And perhaps I can use my brain to think about something fun and do research on my own. It sounds amazing and I want it. But again, “Insha Allah I get this job, but in the end, God leads me wherever He wants.”
  • Watching Star Wars Episode VIII.
  • And last but not least, Becoming pun master and the lord of shitposting.

The force is with me. I am one with The Force.
May The Force be with you.

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