Even until now I’m pondering if I still want to publish this to public… since I’ve always regretted what I wrote in the posts about sensitive things mainly surrounding myself in person. I often felt like it was not right to let everyone knew about what had happened in my life, my subjectivity, my view, perspective, what I’ve seen and wondered so far. But I realized that it was just meaningless thought, the main reason why I regretted that because I want to lead a normal life without fearing of any bashes and avoiding arguments. Writing is hard. Every words you wrote will eventually affect someone in any ways. So from now thereof, I will write something that helps build people rather than giving off random rants and natters.

In this occasion, I would like to share something about family relationship. For your information, although physically and from outside I can be categorized as a happy person in normal family, actually I suffer a psychological phenomenon resembling an “empty man” – which is said to be the fruit of not being able to have parental sympathy since I was a kid. As my family is more like traditional East Asian homes, I bet I am not the only one who suffer that syndrome. In summary, the person that falls into this category is like looking at a mirror but there is no reflection in it. There is some kind of a gap in their hearts and they tend to seek something to fill that emptiness – let it be romantic relationship with other persons or hobbies.

Why does this happen? I don’t want to assume everyone in traditional East Asian homes are like that. But for stricter ones, perhaps I can safely say this is a fact. Perhaps it’s because the parents don’t see children as a fruit of their love and marriage, but some kind of an investment. More so for sons, who has responsibility to pass down family name and become head of the house and is expected to work hard the sake of financial stability. This is a common view which is rather true. Money matters most and children are viewed as nothing more than… tools so they would take care of the parents after they reached the age. The proofs is a common saying in East Asian culture from parents that sounds like “I’ve raised you all these years so you have to return the gratitude”.

I assure you there is nothing wrong with that. It is true that we live and be happy because of parents. If they are not working hard for us, what will we become? The full respect for parents are obligatory and it is our duty to tend for them because they have done many things for us that shape us into real “persons” like this. In the ten commandments there is one section dedicated to parents – see how important that is. It is an order and a common sense. Children are benefits for parents. They are their pride when they are successful and parents can always boast when they get into a prestigious school or get a high salary. More so, in East Asia culture, especially in this country, it is common thing to see children as a symbol of family’s prosperity. Not rarely I find there are parents who claim proudly that they want to have seven children on their own. Many children mean many blessings, they said. It is also symbol of a strong woman. Having no children or not married is usually mocked in this harsh society, more so for girls. A middle-aged virgin is usually seen as someone who doesn’t have life and they will start to pester her to marry whoever and have a child. Let’s take a look further deep inside this culture.

Last year, a missionary who taught us in Sunday Service told the “audience” about their not-really-well-behaved-children-according-to-them. The wife told us something like this to give an example about how she scolds her child for their misbehavior:

“You know, I’ve gone through hard labors to give birth and raise you, I am your mother! You have to respect me! What are you without me?”

This sentence is commonly heard among East/ Southeast Asian parents to their children. The children usually react in submission, turn quiet and bow their head down, and obey  their parents’ order without question. This sentence is like a Book of Law – Command Seal – for every children and is effective to teach them the hard ways. I guess there is nothing wrong with that logically. It’s true that babes can’t do anything without parents and it is our duty to respect them. Mothers give birth to us by enduring labors for nine months and Fathers need to get more money for children’s expensive education. The sentence is a harsh truth given to ensure little children will respect their parents and will not do the bad things again.

But if it is said to a teenager or someone at my age who can think of my own, what is it? What are children for you, then? Why do you marry? Why do you want to have us? An investment? A thing that is shaped so they will do what you want? A servant? A symbol of prosperity? A symbol that your family is a good and you are a successful parents?

How… shallow.

I am saying this out of selfishness: we also don’t choose to live in this world. If you two don’t have sex, no child will be born. If they are born by “accident”, you can just abort them rather than making them living life like hell. That is… also common sense, isn’t it? Spare them difficulties (regardless of human’s rights issues). Without children being born, you don’t have to spend money for education. There is a robot or anyone who can take care you better in your old age, it doesn’t have to be your own flesh? Is giving a child some love is hard? Are we toys? Are we not?

Not many parents have the answer for this question, I believe. I am writing this to remind all parents and married couples who happen to read this slightly horrible post. Think when you want to have a child. They are not toys. They are not only investment, but also just like you – they have hearts and dreams on their own. Parents are the first to influence a person’s life, like it or not. Don’t cut their potential. Don’t be their first bully. Don’t be… their dream crushers.

But what are children to parents anyway?

World’s biggest irony.

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