Oh wow! I wanted to write something about Christmas but it’s been New Year already! — wait, it’s like de ja vu…. or it is me copy-pasting the post from one year later. It’s been a long time since I updated my last post here, I wonder where I was… Truth is, I have some photographs to be shared (including Christmas, flowers and some cute kittens update) but I don’t know what to write. Perhaps scrolling down tumblr and lurking around twitter’s timeline ate half of my brain -ha!

First of all, to all dear readers, happy new year 2014! I know it’s not too late – at least, it’s still 8PM in Indonesia right now! Yay and be merry~ ヾ(*´∇`)ノ  Let this year be awesome, full of blessings, and good fortunes!

Okay, second of all, let me get you a quick review about last days of 2013 – as usual, bad news happen. I don’t want to tell whole story without adding some rage on it, since if someone happened to google that “keyword”, my reputation will be like rolling down the hill and heated arguments will be all over my dash. It’s related to my current situation, scholarship wise, and when I am reminded of that, I just want to sing “Let it Go : honest version” by Elsa the Snow Queen. The morale of the story is…

“Trust God because He is Omnipotent. Humans can’t be counted upon.”

I have trouble dealing with earthlings even AT 1.1.2014, because the event severely affects my whole (life) study and I will just go…. “oh fuck!” without any censorship. This is 1.1 to start brand new resolutions and thought, a day where all people in the world tried to look back to the past and see what they had done. Even it is not 1.1, nothing is ever too late if you realize it sooner – don’t wait until 1.1 or next month or next semester – do it now. That’s what I always think. But for these kind of nasty possibility that is out of our reach and we don’t have power to change or even argue, shrug it off. They are earthlings, which means, you cannot be naive enough to trust them fully. In other uncensored words of advice, “dance on their palms and be a good girl they want you to be” to get what you want, or else it will fly away from you. I’m talking about scholarship. Oh wait, do I develop sarcasm?

Alright, leave that topic alone, now it’s time for New Year celebration! As usual, let’s go back one year later and see what I have written there…..

  1. I want to start researching again after PLN gives us normal supply of electricity. Please, please, please, please….
  2. I want to master efficient gambling method before February. I want to gamble in Monte Carlo’s CASINO, since I’ll go to JAIST for WinterSchool Quantum Monte Carlo workshop with CASINO, and I should learn about it first beforehand so I’ll not look like an idiot there.
  3. I want to evolve into Kyuubei. I’ll be 23 this year and I should stop messing around like a penguin or amoeba.
  4. I want to continue my study as a physicist, anywhere with scholarship. HA! I’ll let God lead my way, because I know He holds my fate. If I ended up in the forest of CMD again, I’ll certainly do it wholeheartedly. If to Japan, God blesses me. If not, I can follow my friend’s path in Tanggerang, but let it be the last decision I’ll make. One thing regarding this resolution is I don’t want to burden my parents anymore, so I’ll either work or study this year. Oh yeah, I’m still working as Tinker’s illustrator, but I guess I’m not that suitable hahaa…
  5. The last, as my oath to myself since 3rd grade Junior High, I want to make a complete artwork. So far, I’ve always made one although I couldn’t say they were successful. For three years I’ve done for RP groups (doujin and manga). Who knows what will I make for this year.

Yup, yup! It’s been quite long for a rant already, read more under the cut…. but before that

HAHHAHAA- DID I MENTION HOW I WANT TO MASTER QMC BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT THERE-! *insert an odd laugh here* Of course, before I come to second resolution review, I have to consider the first. First of all, the PLN doesn’t dancing like it was teenager girl in HardRock Cafe this year – and we got four high-specs computers from Supermicro. I didn’t manage to do much about it but my research topic was continued by my fellow labmates. And the second…. let me laugh at it again. Yes, I meet amazing friends and until now I still remember our moments together and their faces. They are awesome – you heard me. It was my first time going abroad alone and do everything alone in someone’s country in which they didn’t speak English. I have made friends and beautiful experience. And eh- about QMC… let me laugh at it again, this time in tears and mixed in some weeps. You know the rest.  I DO look like an idiot there fyi.

Congratulations for me, I have evolved into Kyuubei and now I changed some of my avatars to that creature with “contract?” dialogue stamped on its forehead. Going back to last year, I have developed some nasty attitude and didn’t even bother to censor my swearing words or my anger. I followed politics and social-media commentaries about culture and such, which I regretted myself by doing so, because all of them were giving me hard times. Some of them are so illogical that I have a desire to smack the capslock button so hard and type something as counter-arguments. Then, after reviewing my “clumsy and reckless” behavior, I realized that this is internet. Internet’s first rule is “one’s words can be turned against you; no exception“. That’s true – WHICH means when you disagree, you have proven this sentence yourself. True or false is no longer absolute, everyone has their own opinion – logical or not. Oh, the heck about “freedom of speech”. NSA and spying happen last year, and no shock to it. To control your people, you have to understand and to monitor them and rob them their “said-freedom”. That’s how society works. Don’t be fooled, don’t be so naive, I grew last year around these kind of topic that made me quite… a devil myself.

Then, let’s continue the review. I left Tinker, you had known why, and I entered CMD-QE in ITB again because I didn’t even manage to pass the administrative qualification for whatever reason – which in fact I found a doubt after reading who got the scholarships and who was not. I haven’t stressed it’s all politics enough. I paid my tuition fee by the help of my parents, but striving to get scholarship and working as illustration freelancer in deviantArt by opening paypal commissions. I nearly get it. Nearly. Yes. Close enough but haven’t because some reasons unspeakable that brought me in raging state. “The rest, is up to God”.

The last of the review is… I’ve done it 🙂 It was about roleplay group again, a mini 10+ pages comic about my original characters and was sold (twice, different ‘circle’ and different ‘story’ but the drawings are by me — I mean, half of it — at least I got the credit; it was so complicated) in local Comic Market. It was finished already and my proudest opinion so far is……!

I don’t want to see it anymore.

So, by all the written resolutions I’ve said I will do last year were all fulfilled with various – but predicted – outcomes. Hence forth my resolution this year.

  1. Become one with Kyuubei.

joking but no kidding. *ahem* … (but somehow I don’t feel I want to write anything serious. I make sure I have sane mind and good spirit writing them seriously without any sarcasm)

  1. finished thesis’s research by the end of the year. (this is quite predictable)
  2. finished one artwork per month. (this is really what I have promised since three years ago)
  3. finished one complete work. (this is also part of my promise since high-school)
  4. going back to Japan for two weeks. (this is really what I will do since I have paid my flight-tickets)
  5. going to Sweden as exchange student (I know it’s a contract between ITB and Bores but…)
  6. become one with Kyuubei
  7. let’s see if I get scholarship or not…

For number seven, it is beyond my power. I can’t oversee the result until next e-mail sent by the other side.