Recently I read some people’s status messages, chats, thought, and also ideology from social message. quite a lot, since all I can do before semester starts is sitting in front of computer and lurk  It is fun to see what people are sharing, get to know that person – not only characteristics but also ideology. What they believe, what they hold as principle in life and so on and so on. Some of my friends in twitter were Chinese descent nationalist and devoted Christian. Two of them are high school teachers who longs for “guiding the newer generation to their correct path” and also “dare to speak up in the middle of seminary, to confront government irregular decision” although they know their decision won’t give big impact to society. Some of them are workers in multinational company, indifferent with anything but always return to our campus to see old friends, share job vacancy information and all. Quite a number of them are labmates across the world, mainly in Japan. They are happy to celebrate Moslem’s Ramadhan Feast Day – Eid Mubarak – in their country of study, and also attend Indonesia Independence Day celebration in Indonesian Embassy in their own respective countries. Some of them are my internet friends who often lurk around like me, discussing anime and Japanese modern culture. Many of them are indifferent about what had happened to the world, Morsi or Egypt or European recess, some of them are just going with the flow…. and some more living their live the fullest and become other nation’s citizen.

One night, I chatted with an internet friend and tried to help him doing his last assignment for bachelor degree. Seeing his writing and stories about his friends, I cannot help myself but laugh. A sinister laugh. May be some anger. Is it what you call “a PAPER”? I believe my scientific paper presented last October 2012 in Jogjakarta was far from what you call “actual international paper, but reading his stories made me want to cry. The realization and conclusion of his stories about what Indonesian students often do with their paper and works (yes, including plagiarism and the hell about the content and topic of research) successfully drove me writing l*d* essay deeper than it should be. When I read my writing for the essay, I see it is full of my ideology. About Indonesian’s lack of research culture. About our scientific papers. About scopus. About our rank compared with another ASEAN countries. It gives me determination to answer the call “IF I’m not the one who change this, who else will?” that I write, if I may bold the sentence, that “I want to be a researcher. I want to produce thousands of scientific papers published internationally. I want to teach and slap the newer generation the importance of moral and professional etiquette”. I want to… I want to change Indonesia. But it is all ideology and dream. To accomplish that, I have failed once – I didn’t get monbusho scholarship which mean I didn’t get to better education in master program – and added by the pessimistic view of my family, I dropped the dream and went back to my old campus and attend the master program there – good thing is I can still pursue my dream this way. I can still produce papers and teach juniors the meaning of hard work in laboratory. God knows what I will do after graduation.

But sometimes, when I went to campus, I am reminded with one person. Not just one – recently my twitter “friends” updated their status about overseas (Eid Mubarak’s long holiday is perfect for them to go on holiday overseas). That. They want to be exoduses. They are so pessimist about Indonesia’s future that they thought “it is much better if I go away from this country and work overseas”. It implies overseas is better than Indonesia. Of course! Haven’t I told you more than hundred times that I also want to go overseas? It is better. Yeap, out there is clean, no one stealing swallow sandals during Friday worship, no corrupt government and certain organization who terrorized people with their ideology and religion clash, less pollution, higher rank in educational system, good payments, et cetera et cetera – I can go on with infinite list on what Indonesia lack of. These people are so pessimistic about Indonesia although there are (always be) outlayers that said to media that “IF I DIE BECAUSE I DO THE RIGHT THING FOR THIS COUNTRY AND NATION, LET IT BE!” – should I mention the names of these two monsters (since someone said to me that “if humans, they will always greedy about money” so it makes them not humans but monsters. I’m talking about these inseparable pair in neighboring province). Sadly these pessimistic people are not just Chinese descents (these minority-selfish-stereotypes-and-rich-individuals in this country) but also many of them are natives – talk about ethnicity-race-religion. I tweeted back “I pray for these people to be stuck in Indonesia for the rest of their lives and bear high responsibility to thousands of people in this country…. or should I say to you that I pray for your good luck and safety and happy life there but please DON’T go back here forever”. Whole-heartedly.

I prayed this (selfish and /may be… it bears ill-will/) prayer once to my pastor who was recently coming back from Mainland China. He was staying there for Chinese citizen so long that he told us that if God wants, he wants to go back to China again because Christian Chinese are growing . I pray. “God, don’t let him go there again before he makes us Indonesians grow in faith like them”. I will pray the same for these three “acquaintances” of mine. Is it that hard to love Indonesia, home country? It gives me all teary. It is completely OK if they told me if they want to work abroad, have a family abroad, become other nationality. It is just too painful to hear the word ‘I don’t want to go back to Indonesia because -insert something awful here-‘.

We are born here. We grow up here. Our citizenship as written in KTPs are Indonesian. We bear many ethnics genes, I am a Chinese descent, but am Indonesian. You are native and you are Indonesian. You learn Indonesian language, you get Indonesian college. You are paid by Indonesian people’s taxes when you attend college or filling gas tanks. You are protected here, have rights, and redundantredundantredundant syalalalala yadayadayada… All the questions in my head about why does these people ever think being exoduses just lead me to nowhere but their selfishness.

It’s okay to be selfish, it’s humanly. And those who are not selfish are just aliens.

In my l*d* essays you might see ideologyideologyideology redundantredundantredundant syalalalala yadayadayada sweettalksweettalksweettalk, glittering words, may be look-like bullshits, something too good to be found in a person and may ask self about whether the writer is honest or just write things like it is all-obvious. May be when you read my writings, you might want to ask the same question too, since I know one person that behind writing and behavior doesn’t match at all. Honestly, I don’t really care what people will see me through them. I just want to do what I want to do, my dream, is to become Indonesian researcher and made scientific papers, and teach these selfish people the meaning of nationalism.

I want to be an alien,

–and whoops about writing longer than my obligatory essays.