The clock’s hand hadn’t struck six, but the school hall had been full with freshmen and seniors. They were sitting quietly in groups and waiting for the MC to say a word or two. It wasn’t a long wait, as at 6:10AM, the MC opened the mass with prayer, and we hailed a song of praise before immersed in our group’s discussion. We didn’t use any sound system but our murmurs could be heard very clearly. The morning prayers ended at 6:20AM since we should go to class at 6:30AM, but our hearts were ready to take all things happened that day.

Yes, that was the daily morning prayer routine my old high school had every Thursday morning. Students, mostly freshmen, went to school early in the morning – I mean, very early (since I’ve asked some friends overseas about the time and most answered the class started at 8-9AM, but in my case 6:30AM) to attend morning prayer. We were divided by groups, and after song of praises (accompanied by either piano or guitars by seniors), we discussed what should we pray for that day. And we each changed prayers and bless one another. The routine that seemed inhuman (waking up maximum 4:45AM in my case) always gave me strength and insurance to start the day anew.

When I look back to that old happy days, I realize that now I lose my desire. The desire to wake up early and enjoy the moment of silence with friends, share our burdens and prays for each of us… There is one group like that built by my friends in university, but in my condition, I can not attend (too late in the evening and night hour for me). Now, after graduation and friends scattered all around the globe, it vanishes. I often wonder, if I am about to work with tight deadline and ambition to pursue higher career, will “the light” be gone completely – leaving an empty vessel that do what flesh want to do .

“Time” is our opponent. Even a routine that is done daily will constantly be tempted and turn dry, like a prayer without a “heart” – just a mere habit. If we don’t train our body to do it at least daily, we will eventually forget – and stop doing it. More so when you are forced to do something you are ordered to do: study, research, works, going back and forth different cities, travels… “ain’t got time to do that – my hands are full already and I am tired the hell out” Not to mention you are working under a boss that demands nothing more than your what-so-called-COMMITMENT: meaning ‘you are paid, I don’t want to hear your whine or excuse, do it before deadline. If you should, do it 24/7, you are not paid to pray or doing something not productive’. Tell me what will you choose between going to church or company’s meeting that determines your career in the future.

Yes, it needs “dedication” as well as “priority”. But, who knows what lies ahead, who knows what lies within the heart of men? Even though the spirit’s strong, the flesh is weak. When you interact with people, you are given choices whether to do your heart’s desire searching for God’s presence or doing something else. You can’t not choose. Even not choosing is also in the list of those choices.

It is extremely hard to get back the desire which had been lost. But hey, “Nothing is too late except you are already dead” – so because we are still alive and kicking, I believe we can always renew our own commitment. Let’s search for that desire together: the desire to come to His throne, bow down, and let Him lead our way.

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