Hello there, dear readers, behold the fresh inconsistent-blogger-that-doesn’t-know-what-to-write as an undergraduate freshman! Ha! Finally I’ve done all my thesis on pre-research about the (still annoying) material-which-I-always-wrote-it-wrong-until-a-juror-mentioned-it: PEO/LiMMT. Unfortunately I’m not going to share my graduation photo or story. I just want to rant my decision for a bit… say, out of frustration.

You guys who ever work under some person perhaps have met an infamous word of:

“I don’t care… it must be finished at ….”

of course, you don’t want to be labelled ‘not professional’ – it is just like death threat that it is either the relationship between your boss and you loosens or the relationship between your body and mind crumbles because lack of sleep. I’ve heard this too damn often from people’s mouths to me. Not because I can’t do anything on time with rather “good” quality, it may be because my voice is too weak to scream a protest or the boss is too strict *sarcasm*. Ah for your information, I’m not talking about engineering or scientific things. It’s about what-so-called-being-an-illustrator-who-doesn’t-have-any-art-degree. I’m not professional in this field. Perhaps. At least I don’t have any certificate to prove my worth.

I remember I got this godly sentence for the first time was when I worked under my church’s youth fellowship as the one who printed weekly handouts. I was slapped by mountains of homework back then, and he said something like that when I was late handing the handouts over to him at Sunday. Responsibility was at stake. Whatever you might think; 「しかたない」 was my sole reason. In this kind of situation, I told myself to move on. Keep working. Whatever sacrifice it might need, the boss’s ultimatum was the absolute one – as well as study. I ban this sentence for the rest of my life.

Before the most what-the-hell one, about a year ago, my friend gave me this ultimatum again, because he was a programmer and I was his only illustrator and we were working on a game project which deadline was… in front of our noses… I didn’t have any power to reason and just went with his idea; unfortunately simplicity wasn’t in his option’s list. I might be able to reason and gave long lecture to make him understand, but we were racing against time. Arguing would make things worse (because we knew each other that none of us wanted to give up our idea).

And this kind of sentence comes again today in the office. I know it’s not polite to post something ‘confidential’ like this to web for all to see, but, しかたないな, I’ve told them about this but no one seems to listen. Or care. Or both. I’ve posted about how I was over excited when working in a game industry as an illustrator, right? World’s crumbling down and everything is as not as your imagination; seems legitimate enough – well, this is the real world for an over excited naiveté where idealism’s finally defeated by realism. I finish my job but barely met the standard (I don’t know how artist measures the-abstractism-of-an-art with ‘standard’… out from my logic) and then, the programmer demands something that is too troublesome (meaning why he has to order me to draw those things if there is another way to make it easier). As usual, the project leader gives me that “I don’t care…. whatever… finish this…” look and at once I know I just have to do whatever they want because one of us shall give up our suggestion since simplicity isn’t in the boss’s vocabulary. Fabulous and grand — please make it in a very short time.

Though I can only rant on-line, I must discard all these unnecessary feeling and keep working.

Keep working, keep working, keep working.

Even though you’re in the stressful environment, being pressured by people around you, those who gave too high expectation where they hope the praise will increase their workers’ morale but they don’t realize that it only burdens the workers… you ought to keep working. Grumbles and rants are voiced, but the hands should be keep working. Stressful as hell it may seem, but responsibility and the money they spent for the workers are the ones which are able to keep you struggling.

But that “I don’t care… whatever…” is for the blame. Doesn’t it mean the speaker wants you to ‘die’ unless you give enough resistance? For you, dear readers who has workers under you, I warn you not to say these taboo words, especially the ‘I don’t care’ part. You should care, because it is your project too, and you are a part of that system. The victim may spend extra time and energy to meet your expectation and on time, but note that the result is not their best: you are hurting either the quality of the result or your worker (and his health if he goes non-stop working to meet the deadline). Suggestion will sound much better, and before some projects start, evaluation and personal approach is pretty much better.

From my personal experience, “I think it’s better if we use 3 frames animation for that move and add extra special effect, or I give you more time to make another 6 frames. Or additional money for your effort. Or resource. Or help from another artist. Or introducing new software. Or just another suggestion and advice from expert so you can optimize your work without lowering the quality.” Sounds better, huh? When the victim strikes back, just f*cking listen and think which is better. If you disagree, give a good reason why he should do that kind of job. My suggestion is simple. “Use dummy first. If it looks good for the game please tell me, I’ll make something similar to it. Not time-consuming, I won’t be standing on the area of possibility of redoing the design,” Done. Unfortunately I’m not heard hahaha. Dang.

… One reason I hate being called an artist.