I have one word to summarize things I have been through these past days: hell.

Bandung in the evening; not really related to the article though /overshadowing/ taken by my N8 phone with minor brightness/contrast edit

Last Saturday all-day Fundamental Engineering examination which drained my energy, although I didn’t study at all – bless me – from 8 AM until 6 PM, 2 sessions 180 multiple choice questions online. I used entire Sunday to polish my presentation slides, read Kittel and Solid State Physics, in case of someone asked me about crystallography and lattices. Next Monday morning 17th, preparation at 6:30 AM in front of my supervisor and flew to the multimedia room to fight the last boss.

I was surprised I could get rid of all nervousness and tongue-slipping during the presentation. I tended not to write down any text or help except what was written in the presentation slides, because unlike many people, I often forgot what I wanted to say if there was a note (which I believed should help people but not in my case). I was given 25 minutes to present my thesis, and I’ve done it, surprisingly, less than 20 minutes. After I ended my presentation, I was sincerely hoping all the audience and lecturers asked me about anything I’ve done in these cursed 6 months and what I’ve learned but.. I should have not study solid state physics yesterday. I’ve bombarded with many questions which I didn’t know what the exact answers – I could reason and analyze the system, and gave my opinion, but situation didn’t let me. I didn’t know what did I sound or like back then, and I wish I didn’t remember anything.

I didn’t see what expression my supervisors gave when I was so defenseless in front of them, yes, your kid failed you. My hands turned colder by nervousness, and my mind went blank. When the clock’s needle struck twelve, I began to breathe and forgot all the torture (I wish there is more suitable word to replace Indonesian’s “pembantaian”) – because there was something bigger than the ‘last boss’: ‘extra stage’ at 19th Sept in Universitas Gajah Mada (UGM). In the same day, I packed my baggage and went to train station, off to Jogjakarta with my fellow laboratorium comrades. I’ll report the event later in separate post :).

And whoops for my worse writing skill and grammar..

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